"Always expect the worse, then you can be plesantly suprised."

new post... waaaaaaaay past due... just letting you all know im still alive... for now anyways.... >_>

my mom is out of town, and im housesittitng for her, so i dont have access to a computer, hence my absence from my local internet wateringholes... but she will be back in town, sometime this weekend. so then i'll be back
__________

a quick story:

over the past week, ive kinda been developing a "relationship" with a girl at school... anyways, last friday, i give her my number... because she doesnt have a cell phone, and cant get calls from boys...

ive never seen her with a cell befor... but the thing about no boys.... i thought that was an excuse... but if it wasnt, my fate was pretty much sealed... so i didnt get my hopes up over the weekend hoping for her to call me...

SATURDAY, 6:55p.m.: sitting around at my moms... bored as shit, playing GTA:IV... all of a sudden my cell rings... i look to see who it is thats calling... "RESTRICTED"

i let it go to voicemail...

as soon as the phone stops ringing... it starts back up again... i check it again... "RESTRICTED"... at this point... i think its this really clingy chick i dont like that much, since she is the only person that calls me with a restricted number... i kinda classify her as a stalker... i diggress.... i dont answer the phone, cause i dont feel like deeling with her atm... i mean.... its GTA:IV ffs... lmao XDD

a few minutes later, phone beeps with an unfamilliar chime... one i dont hear often, but get excited every time i hear it.... (GTA:III pager tone... i thought it was the in-game cell phone for a second... lmao XDD)... its my chime for media messages (i.e. pic/video texts, and voicemail)... i look, "New Voicemail"

i leave it for a while, cause i think its the stalker chick... half hour passes, im done with all of the McReary family missions... (the funnest missions in the game imo), and i go take a shit... im sitting on the toilet, and decide to listen to my voicemail to see what the crazy stalker bitch has to complain about now...

call the phonebook, enter my security code, press 1 to listen to new voice messages... "New voice message, recieved on: Saturday, may 22nd, 6:59pm"

i was so glad i was on the toilet.... cause the moment i heard that voice... i would have shit myself... it was the girl from school... that i gave my number on friday... (who will now be called Jasmine)

"umm hi, victor... im sorry i didnt call you sooner, i just got home...(i went deff around this part)... so umm... hi... im gonna go up to my room.... and do what i "do" in my room... see you on monday"

she called me.... i cant believe she called me..... i wasnt expecting it..... and she called.... i could have answered.... but no... i kept shooting triads with packie....

she sounded so depressed i didnt answer the phone.... yet... slightly flirtatious....

needless to say... i was pissed.... and depressed.... and i spent all of sunday, phone in hand, hoping she called again.....

she didnt...
__________

moral of this story: doesnt matter if you stalker is the only person that calls you restricted... someone new and importaint, could do the same... so always answer your phone....

"Almost, but not quite, entirely unlike..."

So today... was a shitty day... .___.

Nothing inparticular happened to make it shitty... it was just one of those days... where you, and everything around you, is just shit... .__________."

I think the propper term is "Depression", but whatever...

I dunno even how to explain how it was shit, cause a few good things did happen today actually. A girl I like... (I can't fucking make up my mind on just one girl... im a whore, okay?)... she started talking to me again. I say again because, we used to talk, when we had class together. But now we don't, and I only see her at lunch, and in the halls inbetween classes.

Anyway, we started talking again, but its just like before... She just mooches cash off me...

She knows I like her, and she uses it to her advantage, and I can't blame her for it either, cause I would do the same thing if I were her...

Maybe I'll eventually work up the confidence to ask her out or something. Or if hell freezes over and pigs fly, she'll tell me she likes me too, and then we'll just start a relationship almost imediatly after... XD
__________

Also, I dunno if I told anyone, but, i finished Driving School and got the certificate of completion, and i also got my affidavit notorized... so tomorrow im gonna wake up super early so i can go to the BMV when they open, and tell them to put me on stand-by...

In other words.... if all goes well tomorrow... I'll have my drivers license...
__________

I dunno why I'm so depressed... all this awesome stuff is going on, and I can't even enjoy it... .__.

"Sooo... anyways..."

Haven;t posted in a while. Just thought I would leave you guys with an update.

I started going to weight training, and i'll more than likely be on the football team at my school next school year. XD

I've kinda been crushing on this girl at school... but have been too chickenshit to talk to her... so i burned a cd with one song on it, that kinda expresses how i feel..... i gave it to her today... hopefully she didnt forget to listen to it..... and if she did listen... i hope she really listened to the lyrics... .___.

Today... i finished my last in-car with my driving instructer... so... that means.... all i have left, is the state driving test, and i have my DRIVERS LICENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! so awesome... ^_^

Tomorrow i plan on talking to my chemistry teacher about some chemicals... to make a prop... Nuka-Cola Quantum.... dont ask.... >_>

and uhh.... thats about it really... :P

"Monologue"

I had a dream about killing myself... ._."

I jumped off of a tall building... i dunno how tall, but it was tall...

For the first hundred feet or so... i fell... but after that, it was like i was floating. And everytime i blinked, i just got closer to the ground.

Right before i hit the ground, i blinked, and i appeared outside of my school, in front of the entrance to the gym. It was about sunset/dusk, the parkinglot was empty, except one car parked by the curb, running.

Nobody was in the car, but it was running. The lights were on, and the passenger door was open.

Standing near the car was a girl. A girl I know. A girl I go to school with. A girl that I'm friends with. A girl, that I like... alot.

She runs up to me, and hugs me. I hug her back. She gives me a look like shes scared out of her mind. She says, "Where have you been?", in a voice so scared and worried...

The look on her face turns from worried to.... >_>

We start to kiss. I pull away. Then I go back.

We kiss again... this time with tounge...

i dont remember much after that... ._."

__________

I've been sick for the past 3 days. Been feeling like shit. Sore throat, stuffy nose, the works.

Got to do a video presentation in school tomorrow for Biology. If all goes to plan, it will be so epic, and maybe the teacher will let me get a copy of it to put on youtube... XD

i guess thats it... for now...

"BAWWWW BLOG"

now that ive started writing in my blog now... ive realized...

its full of BAWWWW

so erm..... bawww must stop NOW!

so in more light hearted news... umm.... i dunno..... ._."

__________

have a random picture.

"Breathing Underwater"

You ever felt like you were drowning?... just stuck unter the surface still gasping for air?

Thats how i feel now... .____."

Today, i skipped all of my classes... just hung out with the librarian at school.

I was "avoiding my problems" so to speek...

Not much acctually happened today, besides me being depressed... and i read a book...

I dunno what this post is even about anymore...

All I know is, im tired of breathing underwater... i need fresh air...

"I'm going slightly mad"

LONG TIME NO POST!!!!!!! i'm alive... and well... for the most part.... >_>


January 16th, 2010,

i smoked out two friends for the first time. it wasnt the most pleasnt experience, but i have a good story to tell my kids (if i ever have any) not to do drugs.

ever since then, those two girls... (who we will call Hallie and Janice)... have been up my arse about when they can smoke with me again, and all kinds of other crap. they've prettttty much just been a major fucking nuicense in my life ever since then. yesterday, i bought weed for Hallie (with her money, and rolled it for her), and she, for some reason, belives i ripped her off.

1. YOU ARENT GOING TO GET MUCH FOR FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS!!! (a penner ass blunt, or 2 below average joints... or 1 very nice sized joint...)

2: DONT QUESTION MY HONESTY!!!!! like scarface said, "all i have are my balls, and my word, and i ain't breakin' either of em for nobody"

maybe i wouldnt be going through this if she saw me break it down and roll it up... or she knew how to roll a joint/blunt on her own.... just saying.... >_>

and Janice... she likes me... and ever since the bowling ally incident (i did mention we smoked at a bowling ally right?... no?... well... thats where it was...) shes been acting weird, i walk up to her and say hi, she just ignores me... i dont know what her freakin problem is. AND GET THIS, SHE SAYS IM THE ONE ACTING DIFFERENT!!!

thats fucking rich...
___________________________

and nows the part where i talk about how this started, and why didnt i say "no"?

i stoped smoking around early/mid october (somewhere inbetween 8th and 15th) last year. around the same time, i started talking to these girls, and how they wanted to smoke... if only they had gotten to me a week or so before then.... anyways, time goes on, they keep bugging me about it, but it wasnt that bad. christmas break comes, and im completely sober (not counting the alcohol i had during christmas, cousin's birthday, new years, and shitload of painkillers and pepto when i got stomach virus meer hours after previously mentioned birthday party), everything was going great, school started up, and stuff was even better, first few weeks of school i was attentive, i got my work done. i checked my grades with the teachers, i had three A's and a B.... thats freakin honor roll status... (if only i had that 4.0 gpa)... anyway, shit was good. then the girls come around again, and i finaly tell em ill get em some smoke. they were happy, i was happy... untill problems arose.... i found out, Janice... she has retardedly strict parents. she has to come directly home after school, finish homwork and cant leave till its done, and if she actually can leave, she has to be home by six o'clock, and in bed by eight..... (like they seriously treat her like shes 8).... so we have to figure out when and where they can smoke... school hosted a bowling party for our grade.... peechy keen, 10pm to 1am, plenty of time to smoke, be high, come down, and maybe even bowl a bit.

BOY WAS I MISTAKEN!

i go to the ally, they are there, but there was a problem with me getting their stuff... ended up having to leave, (walking mind you) to go get it for them... finaly my contact comes through (when im like half way to where i was walking to) and they bring me my order...

i rolled it, and everything gave it to em... and was going to be on my way... i didnt even want to smoke.... but somehow... i was convinced.... (it really wasnt that hard for me to be convinced.... v.v)

shitty experiences while high.... im not even going to write about it... cause i cant really remember..... all i remember.... was a zebra, cool ranch doritos.... neon lights, a cute girl, who i think im slightly in love with... who i could have talked to, and bowled with, if it wasnt for me being fucking stoned out of my mind.... and an unquenchable thurst for milk.... ._.?
___________________________________

ever since then, girls have been fucking with my head, grades are slipping, shits just all bad...

i swear to (insert deity here) that im going to snap, and kill someone, (probably one of them) if they dont stop fucking with me...






I seriously need a change of scenery.... maybe a new school?... new town?... new planet?...

either way.... i have to deal with this somehow... hopefully befor i'm put in a padded room...


(p.s.... Kat if you read this.... i know you are dissapointed [possibly pissed].... i am too.... and i'm sorry... T____T)